Previous cancer posts:
2. https://brigidkaelin.blogspot.com/2020/10/cancer-faqs-mastectomy-date-and-support.html
1. https://brigidkaelin.blogspot.com/2020/10/this-breast-cancer-awareness-month-i.html
Just some quick updates:
I am home and in my wonderful bed, made even more wonderful by luxurious sheets sent to me by my former boss, whose family has always felt like my own. I feel like I’m recovering in a hotel, though there’s no front desk to call when the kids in the next room over are being loud
Anyway, I’m home, and I did not stay overnight in hospital.
Surgery was Thursday at 3p, and I was home by 8:30p, able to kiss my boys good night, though I think they were scared to see me so loopy and nauseated from surgery. They have been brave, but I know they are terrified.
Outpatient mastectomy is not the norm, but during COVID times, cancer patients should stay far away from hospitals.
Surgeons took five lymph nodes for examination, but we don’t know pathology reports for a while. Both surgeons are out of town next week, so I’m not sure how that will delay things.
I had a LOT of anesthesia (a redhead issue). It’s all listed in the digital medical records, and when I look through my phone, it just repeats these combinations of lethal meds. Drugs that hospice uses to heavily sedate people … it scares me that they are still in my system. But it is worth it to me because science is amazing.
Thank you all SO much for donating to the GoFundMe. It has left us in absolute heaping sobs of love, disbelief, and comfort. Peace of Mind is so helpful: I had no idea just how much I needed it, until some friends set up the GoFundMe.
I'm dreading tomorrow because the third-day post-op is supposedly the worst. Pain isn't my favorite, so hoping I can sleep through it.
David and I currently are wrapped in a love cocoon, surrounded by community and friends, even though no one can come visit. It’s made me reflective. I have always tried to be a really good person. But for many years in a row, it seems that karma isn’t real. A lot of great things have happened to people who’ve done a lot of shady things. A lot of crap things have happened to really good people.
At one point I thought: what’s the point? Maybe I should have just been worrying about myself all this time. Seeing the outpouring of community and love has been a bit like watching my own funeral, I imagine. I had no idea the impact I’ve had on some of your lives, and I’m so grateful to know. I’m feeling awfully guilty about the donations and covering medical bills. A friend reminded me to try to add up the amount of pro bono gigs I have done for people (so many, so so many: musicians are always on the forefront of “Benefit Shows”) and accept that this is some form of beautiful payback.
In my own strange way of passing the love forward, I spent the morning writing to some friends who live far away, but who deserve to hear how much they are loved and what differences they made in my life. (P.S. Happy birthday John Prine and Tim Krekel. I didn’t write to you today, but oh the things I wish I could tell you!)
ANYWAY: updates. We won’t know about further treatment plans until pathology on the lymph nodes comes back (please be clear, please be clear!), and that may be a week or so.
So we are settled back into uneasiness. I am in the luxurious bed wishing I had a little more strength in my arm to journal or write thank you notes. I’ll get there.
My ADHD/ASD brain makes sitting still really, really hard for me, but I am determined to get better soon. And I know resting now is very important. I want to start exercising again. I want to compose, to finish this music video, to move to Scotland or Canada. Forget I said that last part.
I love y’all. Thank you for all the love, the shares, the messages, the donations, the flowers, the gifts, the wisdom. Being sick while relatively young and without parents is pure crap, but I’ve been enveloped with love. It is powerful, and it is good.
Thank you to Jeska Forsyth for organizing the GoFundMe and keeping everyone updated. She and her husband Guy Forsyth are on Patreon and do a lot of great livestreams.
Visit https://linktr.ee/brigidkaelin for the various ways of keeping in touch.
1 comments
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