This Breast Cancer Awareness Month I would like you to be aware that I...
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| October! Dirndls & breast cancer. There must be a link. |
I would like you to be aware that I have breast cancer. This is not a drill.
I’m having a bilateral mastectomy next week.
That is something I knew I’d be announcing someday, given my family history (Ashkenazi Jew, and my mom also had breast cancer in her 40s). Even so, it came as an absolute gut punch when they called me on Rosh Hashanah with the biopsy results, as I sat under a mulberry tree making New Year’s crafts with my small children.
I considered hiding all winter and not telling anyone but David. After all, I once hid an entire pregnancy from 99% of my friends. Despite my "brand" as a sharer, I don't actually tell y'all everything. (Which means I've been saving up good juicy stuff for my book.)
But if there’s anything that helped me through my parents’ cancers, it was writing about it and knowing that someone out there was getting something out of it. There are lurkers on cancer blogs: people who are suddenly in the same situation and do a google search and find someone out there sharing stories. For so many of us, sharing stories is all we know how to do.
I’ll share more later.
For now, know that it was not visible on mammogram, nor ultrasound. It was not palpable. I knew it was there though because I know my body really, really well.
I changed doctors until finally one of them believed me and ordered a breast MRI. By the time I eventually had that MRI (an absurdly long wait time: it was ordered in March, but not performed until September), they’d spotted the tumor and scheduled me for biopsy before I even got home.
Women: you know your bodies. Advocate for yourselves. Trust yourselves. Follow up on new symptoms and take notes at the doctor. *If you are denied a test, ask that it be noted in your chart. I wish I had done this.*
Doctors: Believe women.
ALSO: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS NONSENSE IS REALITY?!?!?!?!
I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person. I feel like all I've done is describe cancer for the past many years. It's getting boring, right? COVID means you can't hug me or wash my dishes or watch my kids. You can't even put a lasagna in my oven for me.
We'll be okay, but I really don't know the answer to the question: How can I help? First of all, please know that you don't have to help. I'm here to write about the experience and share it and you don't owe me a thing for those words. I'm not putting up a paywall behind cancer information.
Here's an Amazon Registry of stuff that will help me with recovery. EDITED TO ADD: Holy crap, you all fulfilled this stuff immediately! Tears of appreciation have been shed. I've had people ask what else I need, so I added a few things. We will be okay, but I added a few small gifts for the boys and for David and just things that might bring smiles while I'm down and unable to have tea parties with the boys. Venmo is @BrigidKaelin and paypal email that goes to me & my husband is davidandbrigid@gmail . Or maybe you live nearby and you see something on this list that you have and you wanna drop it off and then I'll take it off the registry because some of this stuff I'll only need for a month or so! But cozy button-up shirts or cardigans with pockets are especially welcome.
Some friends are doing a MealTrain, but I don't have details yet. I will share when I learn more. I do know that the first 2 weeks are filled with David's amazing work friends who live out of state, but who are sending meals to us and supporting local restaurants.
I've not set up a GoFundMe because I just can't stomach doing that. My Venmo/Paypal/CashApp are all @BrigidKaelin and all those links are here https://linktr.ee/brigidkaelin. Not at all necessary, but I understand feeling helpless and not knowing how else to help. It'll buy Graham some chips and queso or pay for 0.0005% of my medical bills (insert laughing crying emoji face). I love you all.
12 comments
I love you. Thank you for letting us know and providing ways that we can be of support.
ReplyDeleteI love you and thank you for your support and strength!
DeleteSending my love and I have entered the lottery today specifically so that I can pay your medical bills if I win. x
ReplyDeleteHaha! If you win, just buy me a plane ticket and I'll escape and ignore those medical bills the rest of my life!
DeleteI love you, Brigid. I'm so glad you know your body well. Always thought of you as the ultimate badass. We're here for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this empowerment!!! I feel it and i need it :)
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. You are so freaking strong. I am always in awe of you. Sending you my love and support through this ordeal.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me smile and gives me even more strength. I love you from afar! xoxoxo
DeleteI'm so sorry you're facing this. I am glad you now know what you are up against. I am sending you love and strength to get through this. Take a break and come back stronger! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Barbara. Much love to you.
DeleteYou are brilliant and compassionate, fun and intriguing, strong and resilient. Thank you so much for sharing most about women knowing their bodies. I’ve often not been believed, especially during pregnancy and the lasting impact it’s had on my body. But when I am believed, it empowers me to speak further. Well done, friend. You are brave and will continue to be so!!
ReplyDelete"But when I am believed, it empowers me to speak further." YES! I feel this so hard. Thank you for the support and the oh-so-kind words. Thank you thank you thank you.
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