Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Anxiety and empathy and all that i'm trying

What is it you miss the most? I miss interaction, which is strange because I'm mostly introverted. I can't imagine how the extroverts are handling this, and I empathize. We are settling into this new normal and are extremely privileged in so many ways -- mostly, however, because we have a roof over our heads and a family unit. I wish my parents were alive, so we could have moved in together and communed. But I'm also grateful they are already dead because I am freed of the anxiety of wondering if they will be coronavictims.

That doesn't mean I'm free from anxiety, however. Last night a utility pole caught on fire on my street, leading to a transformer blowing and a lot of flickering lamps and not sleeping until things were sorted out (around 2am?). It's funny what scenarios an anxiety-ridden brain can dream up in a matter of seconds.

Tell me this: You -- you who are out there quarantined with young children -- how are you coping? Is it screen time? Is it forgoing all school Zoom meetings and learning when the moment strikes (that's us)? Is it sticking to a rigid schedule? (That does not work for us because one-minute off-schedule yields massive anxiety to both me and Graham, apparently we have the Kaelin time issues.) Is it letting go?


There is SUCH a difference between the posts I am seeing from my childless or child-free friends. I know it's leading to resentment between these two groups as well -- particularly the ones who wish they had children, but don't. I am also finding myself reacting negatively to posts from my child-free friends who offer wise yoga words that are completely irrelevant to a family trying to hold it together.

But empathy: I am trying to hold onto empathy.

I am trying to recognize that everyone is approaching a breaking point. Our reactions to each other's posts are dramatic, are enlarged, are knee-jerk and are not healthy.

But how -- how -- can we learn to manage them? Medication? Marijuana? Manhattans? Meditation? They may each have the same effect, but remember that your meditation doesn't work when you don't have a 3000 square foot house to separate yourselves from your children. Or that your Manhattan doesn't work to someone who is sober. Or your medication isn't available to those who can't afford it.

I am working hard on my own reactions. This shit is hard, y'all. In the mean time, please enjoy photograph of Ireland.


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Anxiety and empathy and all that i'm trying

What is it you miss the most? I miss interaction, which is strange because I'm mostly introverted. I can't imagine how the extrovert...