Friday, October 9, 2009

Costume frustration.

My mom and I used to go down to Baer's fabric every September and pick out a pattern for my Halloween costume. Then we would buy fabric, and ultimately take over the entire dining room table for several weeks while we sewed costumes. One time, we made matching Minnie Mouse costumes and were absurdly cute as we went door-to-door. Mom still wears that Minnie Mouse costume every single year.

I, on the other hand, have been out of town most of the past several years, and haven't been able to dress up properly. Usually, I just braid my hair and throw on a red bandana, and suddenly I'm Willie Nelson. Last year, I wore my tweed Sherlock Holmes hat that I'd just brought back from Scotland (did anyone find it? I lost it last November somewhere on Bardstown Road when I was hanging up fliers.), a long trench-coat, a magnifying glass, fake peyos (you know the Jewish side curls), and a rabbinical scarf. I went as Shylock Holmes. I'm a sucker for a pun.

This year, I'm stuck. I've got a few simple and clever backup plans that I'm not giving away. But a bunch of my friends are dressing up like characters from a certain Western film. If I want to go with the crew, then I either have to spend several hundred dollars on a period costume (not gonna happen), or I have to go as "Sexy Saloon Girl." I've always wanted a Miss Kitty Saloon Girl costume, -- it goes with the whole girl-piano-player thing -- but I don't like the whole slit-to-the-hip that comes with all the pre-made ones available on the internet.

Why are all ladies' Halloween costumes always "Sexy __________?" My mom didn't go as "Sexy Minnie Mouse." Do you really have to sew your own costume if you don't feel like looking like a whore?

I always liked going as an inanimate object, for example, a tooth or a taco. Maybe, now that I'm an adult, I'll go as "Sexy Pencil." Or "Sexy Maker's Mark Bottle." (I found part of my old Maker's Mark costume in the basement yesterday. It's not sexy.) Or "Sexy Sauté Pan." Or maybe I'll just throw a sheet over my head and be a ghost. Or I'll use a pillowcase instead and be "Sexy Ghost."

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