Hyrdation. Markers. Bullet Journal. #smug

I've been grasping at planners -- planners because I've always enjoyed filling out forms and grasping because I feel like implementing some structure will make everything okay.

David and I laughed about us doing all the major life-stressors just back to back to back. We got married in Kentucky one July, moved to Scotland the very next month, had a baby twelve months later, did another international move when said baby was seven weeks old, were unemployed for a year, got back on track, then decided to have another baby, who is a total delight, but I'm only learning about him now because shortly after he was born, both my parents got cancer and I nursed them to their home deaths, and then we moved again, but have been living out of suitcases since May 24, and basically, everything is really weird.

I recap all of this for you, mostly for me, to type out that, yes, I've been through a LOT recently, and it is okay to feel like I'm slowly emerging from a decade of stress and chaos. Anxiety tells me not to get complacent because control is an illusion, etc. 

Anyway.

I'm trying to focus on things I can control. Which I guess is my actions, and only my actions? Did I get that right? (Still hunting for a therapist who can prescribe and who takes my insurance, but I read a lot of novels, so I feel like I'm pretty good at extracting life lessons.)

For some reason, meal planning feels like it would solve all of my problems.

I used Fresh20 for three years, and I really liked it. Eighty percent of the meals were yummy (all of them needed salt), and it was nice knowing I always had the ingredients for supper in the kitchen on any given day.

When our au pair moved in, we stopped doing Fresh 20 because she loved to cook and her diet was drastically different. I really enjoyed having family dinners, but then life got too complex. Now our au pair keeps to herself, and I'm trying to figure out what home life will look like when she departs. (We will miss her terribly!)

I tried The Fresh20 again last week. It didn't work out for me because of schedule changes (maybe it's my weird last-minute gig schedule that makes structure difficult to apply?). I tried two of the mail-order meal kit things, and was just too freaked out by the amount of packaging to continue them (though it's a cool idea).

What do you families out there do? Do you just have Meatless Monday, Taco Tuesday, Watermelon Wednesday, or whatever? And repeat the same dishes every week?

Who's got it all organized?

Of all the meal kits I tried, I liked the Purple Carrot recipes best (I need meals that are healthy), but I really really can't stand the plastic and the oil miles. I'd love to be able to create the perfect week of meals without any food waste AND without any plastic. I think I'm going to have to sit down some time, get all the recipes I liked and figure out how to buy a Purple Carrot-style meal-plan, but order it from Kroger. It may involved having a neighbor share with me because what if I only need one stalk of celery??? I'll report back with a grocery list and recipe cards if I ever get that organized.

Ugh. This just leads me to wondering why I didn't take HomeEc instead of IB Calculus? Harumph.

I like my Planner Pad. Not perfect for me, but the best I've found for balancing jobs.

This feels like a proper blog entry, and I haven't even written it. Those popular blogs-that-they-turn-into-movies are journeys, right? I'm on a journey today. Technically, I returned home from a month abroad yesterday, but it's today that the journey begins.

I have unfulfilled needs, dreams, passions, desires, recipes, DIY projects and much more trivial things too. For the past several years, my own life has been put on hold.

Maybe that seems surprising to you, dear reader, who have seen jolly photos of me enjoying a dram of whisky or gallivanting in the Alps with my genius 6-year-old. Remember the joy-filter of social media. However honest I attempt to be, I still don't want to be the constant internet whinger in your newsfeed. Posting photos of joy may be the only thing that cheers me up, and in a world where self-care has been low on the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

I've been in survival mode. Making sure my family is fed and loved and that my parents weren't forced to unnecessarily suffer. I was a death doula, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. I'm thankful to have been with them for their last choices, days, breaths, words, meals, hugs and smiles. It truly was an honor, a privilege, and I'm beyond thankful that I was able to do that for them. Not everyone's career allows such flexibility.

Still, my own needs have been unfulfilled -- purposefully, and sanctioned by a therapist -- and it is now time to begin a new journey of resconstructing my own life.

Yoga? Writing? Music? An organized pantry? What will adulthood look like for me?

Today I am searching for routine. But as someone who hates predictability, I struggle to find a self-care routine that I can actually follow. Does that even make sense? Or does it only make sense to the other ADHD-creatives out there who long for an organized life, but have zero interest in making it so?

Does anyone out there have a life syllabus for the non-independently-wealthy?

And now for random photo from delightful gig I played in Kentucky less than 24 hours after waking up in Switzerland:

Happy new year! Who is getting organized? I've been doing some version of bullet journaling my whole life -- with the little codes for tasks, events, etc. But then I started seeing bullet journal photos on Instagram, and I realized it's gotten out of hand, and people seem to be spending all their time using protractors and brush pens instead of completing said activities. Part of me desires very much to be a fancy hand lettering yoga Mom with a calm mind and beautiful list, but I'm forty, and I know myself better than that. I do love a nice pen, and I adore a list, however so ...

As part of my initiative to bring more to this blog than my breakups with yoga (which happened AGAIN this morning -- why do I keep going back??), I'm going to give you some fun free stuff that isn't music. Because, I mean, music is free anyway.

Instead, here is a free printable for a weekly planner. 

I'm working on another one -- a daily one that I find useful -- but here is a link to today's FREE PDF PRINTABLE WEEKLY PLANNER. Whoo hoo!

Now I'm going to get off the blog and maybe actually fill out this weekly planner rather than just posting about it.

Happy January to you all!

ALSO: May my fine blog readers be the first to know about a Burns Night show (it's a Scottish thing, you know how I'm obsessed!) I'm putting on in Louisville on Friday January 25, 6:30-8:30pm. Advance tickets only. This show will sell out. Only 50 tickets available. All seated show.

My mother died last week. That is maybe craziest sentence I've ever had to write, and I am still in that numb, weird part of grief. It's extra weird because the initial gut punch came with her diagnosis in November 2016. We knew it was a terminal sentence from day one, so I went through all the phases many times over. Now, along with the obvious relief that I have learned is common with these long, painful, drawn-out deaths, I am also wondering when I will re-live the grief. It comes in waves of sadness, but I'm also purposefully postponing the weeping when I can because there is so much else going on.

I'm writing this from University Hospital, where my dad is having surgery to remove his own cancer. He's been back about an hour, and I'm using this time to reflect and also catch up on business (hello, blog, how have you been?!).

To catch you all up on the beauty that was my mom's memorial celebration, have a look at these glorious photos. We had a block party, a stage, wonderful musician friends, and great food. It was so much fun that we're going to just have to make PatsyFest an annual event.

My mother's obituary is here: https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/louisville/obituary.aspx?pid=190191762

Now to throw myself into my career and my music and my writing and my touring and my music and everything my mother wanted me to be.

Big love to all who've taken care of us along this icky road of pancreatic cancer.

This house-renovation thing has been all-emcompassing, and boredom has set in. I've been using miter saws, measuring baseboards, estimating angles (correctly!), and all the while sitting there thinking about blogs and essays and songs I'd like to be writing rather than caulking. So here's a quick update of something I managed to do in between installing backsplashes and quarter-round.

I went to a house concert on Tuesday! 

It required a babysitter and a lot of energy. It was at the most beautiful home I've seen in ages (mid-century-modern or 'MCM' as the kids say) and with the most spectacular art collection I've ever seen in a personal home. I was nervous because I didn't know the hosts very well, and I was going alone -- not knowing a single other person there. But I went, and I had a blast, even though I overshared and asked far too many questions of the musicians. At one point when I asked, "So when you get home from this 3-month-tour and you walk in the door, is your wife just going to hand you the baby and run?" and then a lovely and kind woman looked at me and asked, "Are you okay?"

Yikes. I assured her later that, yes, I am okay. But dammit, this solo parenting thing is hard, both for the spouse who travels and the one who stays home.

BUT THE MUSIC! The music was grand. The company was grand. The evening was grand. Only one of my kids was awake when I got home at 10.

The music was provided by Benyaro -- a duo from Jackson Hole, Wyoming. They were delightful company and great music.

If you've never been to a house concert, YOU SHOULD GO! They are my absolute favorite place to hear music, whether it's a solo artist I've never heard of or a band I superfan for. It's so relaxed, that even people with anxiety can enjoy themselves.

I'm playing a house concert on Friday, November 17, in Scottsburg, Indiana, and I think there are a few seats still available for it. RSVP here: https://www.facebook.com/events/507758216263885/

I mean, why does it matter how you fold DIAPERS when they are just gonna get POOPED on anyway?

How do you all sort out laundry with your partners? 

For years, we each just did our own laundry. But three years into David traveling all the time, and his laundry piling up because I didn't want him spending our family time doing laundry on the weekends, I decided to take over laundry completely.


I honestly don't mind. It's not like I love laundry, but I do work out of my home office, which happens to be right next to the laundry room. So when a student is late while I'm teaching, I'll switch a load, or while I'm creating invoices or answering emails, I'll switch another load. I generally do 6-8 loads of laundry on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and it's finished.

I thought it was working quite well.

UNTIL ...

I apparently do not fold his clothes properly.

This is not surprising, and it should in no way be construed as a "man has wife who does his laundry, but is critical of her folding techniques," even though I suppose that would be a factual headline. I am the one insisting on doing the laundry, however, because I am tired of the massive piles of dirty clothes on the floor and doing everyone's laundry helps keep me on a schedule.

A few weeks ago, he said he would rather me not fold it at all than to fold it incorrectly.

So I stopped folding his clothes. Sometimes I carry up a wad of clean clothes in a laundry basket. Sometimes I just lay everything flat in a big pile and put it in his office to deal with. I'm not sure I love this, however, because now there is just a big pile of clean clothes rather than a big pile of dirty clothes, so how is this solving a problem?

He asked me, "Would you like me to show you how to fold them?" I promptly replied that if he enjoyed being married to me, he would absolutely not teach me how to fold his underwear. But since it seems important to him, I would watch a YouTube video that shows me the way he likes them folded and adjust accordingly.

He has yet to send me such a video, so the wads of clean clothes continue. I suggested that he maybe create his own YouTube video, but then I thought that might make him a huge enemy to all women -- a video of a man teaching his wife how to fold his old fraternity dance t-shirts probably does not endear him to the world.

And, my friends, he is very endearing. He just cares a little more about right angles and matching socks than I do.

I asked a friend about this, but she was no help because she uses a FOLDING BOARD. Someone point me in a more civil direction?

BUY MY CD PLEASE: www.brigidkaelin.com/store

Gratuitous photo of adorable children just because:

Brothers holding hands on the sidewalk.

My husband's snapchat, ha ha!

Hey friends! I think my antidepressants are working. How's that for straight-talk about mental health? I've been a bit of a mess since my live-in nanny went on vacation 2 months ago. I can't decide if it's because I haven't been able to work or because I haven't been able to go to yoga, but I need to find some sort of regular childcare so I can do both. Today, however, I have a babysitter, and I've escaped to a coffeeshop to answer a bunch of emails, build invoices, and book tours. Tonight I am playing a 3-hour gig with the best bluegrass band in the state, and that is something to look forward to. I still have 105 unheard voicemails, but it feels good to want to get out there again.

Also, there are $484 flights to Paris from Cincinnati, so don't be surprised if you see me checking in to the Eiffel Tower at some point. I need a break, and Angus needs a passport stamp.

Irish Fest was good fun, and here are some highlights:

My cargo bike loaded with my guitar, saw, accordion, merch.

Princess hair!

View from soundcheck. Steve Cooley and Mike Schroeder.

I was absent from yoga for much of May, and my mental health has suffered for it. It wasn't for lack of effort on my part -- it was for lack of childcare. My nanny-type-person (she's not an actual nanny, but we have a good barter thing going on) was gone for a month, and it just is not in the budget to go to a yoga class AND pay a babysitter.

Anyway, my childcare is back, and I went to yoga this morning! And get this -- I went to yoga in YOGA SHORTS, which are now my new favorite thing in the world. It's basically like doing yoga in your underwear, and that's awesome and freeing and sweaty and feels good. I'm over the yoga pants, y'all.

Also, I didn't realize that it was an internet-viral-worthy thing to reveal that you haven't shaved your legs in years, like that fitness blogger who made headlines a few weeks ago. Like, is that how I should have been marketing myself??? Typical me -- timing just always SLIGHTLY off. Can someone out there help me craft a blog or press release that'll go viral that says "musician uses album cover image where she's not wearing any makeup" ?? You know, it'll say have a clickbait article that's, like, "This indie musician is raising eyebrows with her scandalous album cover image" and then the whole thing is SHE'S NOT WEARING MAKEUP OMG OMG OMG HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Any publicists out there want to take that and run with it? I'll even delete this blog if you think it's ruining the effect.

Anyhoo ... check back for an announcement about how to pre-order my new album! It's a fun one.

It's Derby!! I'm slammed with gigs -- all private parties, so I can't bore you with PLEASE COME TO MY SHOW blogs, tweets, instagrams, etc. I've played a ton of private events over the past week, all in the most beautiful people with the most beautiful backyards. Here are some of them:



This weekend I'm playing three events with three different bands: a traditional bluegrass instrumental, a 4-piece country band, and a 3-piece jazz trio.

Here are some more pics from our fun Derby weeks:

We went to the backside of Churchill Downs on Monday morning and ended up on the front page of Kentucky.com: http://www.kentucky.com/latest-news/article147872519.html has some cute video of Graham meeting a thoroughbred named More the Wild or More Than Wild. I am not sure which.

I'm not in the photo much -- but here I am!

I'm going a little stir-crazy not having a record to tour and promote -- it's still one bass part away from finished, but time is conspiring against me. In the mean time, I've been doing ALL I can to promote my own self-care. Life is tough now, and there are a few things that have kept me sane:

Yummy quinoa vegetable bowl.

Me, playing a German polka gig.

We were both so so so excited on election day at 9am.

What a depressing week last week was. I'm still in denial. Followed by massive amounts of guilt knowing that I'll probably be fine -- as long as I don't flaunt the Jewish background thing, and maybe I should pull my kid out of the Jewish preschool because Anti-Semites are going to run the government ... hmmm ... okay, maybe I legitimately am worried for my family...

Anyway, the guilt comes from knowing that my family isn't outwardly too different, but plenty of others I know are and -- yikes, what year are we living in? How is this seriously our current challenge? Also, the ice caps are melting and what if a tidal wave attacks my oceanfront Louisville property in five years? Do I start buying an extra canned good at every grocery trip and insulating the attic with creamed corn?

I also keep thinking how can there possibly be a place for my career now? I'm a musician, not a revolutionary.

But also, don't people need art more than ever these days?

And is there room for, shall we call it, "distracting" art? Lighthearted songs to make you smile and take you away from the terrifying world? Or are those the artists who should give up and forget it because we should be focused on revolutionary songwriting? Are those types of songs more dangerous than ever because we should not distract ourselves and ignore what it happening?

I have often wrestled with the whatisthepoint question of my career, but in light of the election results (and a postpartum fog and heading into the early sunsets and dark, cold days) I have even more mindwasps.

Am I being too hard on myself?

Can someone convince Bob Dylan to finally speak out? To tell artists what it was like to be the revolutionary performer in revolutionary times? Did he even know he was doing it? Was it a career-advancing accident that he had protest songs? Were they even intended as protest songs or were they interpreted that way because of the times he was writing in? How long did it take for them to spread in a world 50 years before Twitter?

In the mean time, I'm trying to finish up a record, and I'm really not sure why it feels so pressing.

 I think my 4-year-old has the right idea: