Thursday, December 1, 2011

Deep thoughts on that Gaslighting article.

The first social media post I saw this morning was from my wonderful husabnd, David, who shared this article from the Huffington Post. It's pretty much all I can think about this morning, so I'm going to suggest you go read it now.

Shortly after reading it, I ran into a friend at the coffeeshop who is a Film Studies Professor. In yet another bizarre coincidence, she actually recently showed "Gaslighting" to her class. We then spent the morning discussing the article and its implications. ("Implications" is a word you use when talking to PhD's. I'm pretty sure every dissertation is required to begin with "The Implications of...")

Have you read the article yet? Click here and read it, please, and come back. Thanks.

I have many thoughts on this, none of which are organized enough to put into an essay. I see so many of my friends near and far. I see myself and am ashamed. I see both men and women who do this sort of thing, and I hope I am not one of them.

I just said to David last night, "You are so sensitive," but I did not mean it in the condescending sense. It didn't come from any argument or debate. I said it after I'd been homesick and was missing my puppies and my parents and my friends, and David just hugged me and said he was really sorry I was feeling like that. He didn't call me weak or silly or tell me to get over myself. So when I said, "You are so sensitive," I meant that I'm amazed how he is always so in tune to my feelings and kind and has this unbelievable ability to think before he speaks and then say the right thing. How does he do that?

Anyway, I love that I first heard about this article from my husband, who would never treat me like Ingrid Bergman's husband in the film (again, one says "film" not "movie" when speaking with a PhD.)


  1. Thanks, Brigid. If I can get Mark to spend five minutes reading that article.... I really can't wait to discuss the "implications" with you next weekend. Seriously, thank you for sharing that. It validates something that I think we've all known for a long time but couldn't quite put into words. Now I know why I go absolutely orbital when the words "Jesus, baby, relax" are uttered in my house. Now I know that I have a right to go orbital when those words are uttered. You have no idea how much better I feel.

  2. So many implications to discuss, Tara! And yes ... so many amazing women -- and SMART, amazing women have been made to feel like this and then question their own sanity. The most insightful part of the article, I think, was that many men/people don't even realizing they are doing it because they are socialized to respond that way. Unintentional emotional manipulation ... so heavy. We must have many whiskies to properly dissect this. See you in a week!