I was asked to fill in last night and play a 3-song spot at a bar for a songwriter event. The gig was easy and fun, and though the crowd had no idea who any of us were, it was a good time. I saw some 2am-friends I hadn't seen in years and got some nice hugs from them. I heard music that made me smile, and I wish I'd been able to stay later in the evening to hear more music from other writers. The baby needed my breasts eventually, so I was beckoned home.
Here's something funny I noticed: I have this problem with radical honesty. I can very rarely answer "How are you?" with a "Fine, thanks, you?" I offer TMI and can see people's shock or disengagement right away. And that's in a normal coffeehouse interaction and makes me laugh at myself more than want to change.
Throw that attitude into a business situation -- and though this stage was not The Palace, it was still a stage -- and you get, I think, a bad businesswoman.
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While I went out to gig last night, these two
snuggled ... for a short while. |
Because I talked about my kids. I realized after answering the question, "What have you been up to?" that I
should have said, "Oh, I've been working a lot with Steve Cooley, who's producing a new album for me that's due out in July. I've also been trying to focus on writing and getting new material, as well as planning some upcoming European tours."
See? Not so hard. All of that is true.
What I said instead, however, is, "Oh, I've been playing a lot of private parties because there aren't many venues left in town that pay. Also, my kids don't sleep, so I get in bed at 7:30. The postpartum depression is fading, though, and I see the light now that my youngest is one. My mom's got Stage 4 cancer, so that takes up a lot of headspace, and it's hard to focus. But overall, I'm feeling okay. Been trying to focus on self-care and music, and I'm glad to be playing out tonight."
Then I was mad at myself for not properly doing business.
Then I was mad at the situation because why can't a woman honestly talk about her family in a a business setting? I hear men do it all the time, but it comes across differently.
Dear blog readers, I
am finishing a record. I'm setting a hard deadline, and I don't really care if there's not a horn part on it or if the mix isn't perfect. This record is coming out because I need to release it and move on. I've got several more albums I need to finish, and I'm artistically constipated at the moment. It hurts my heart rather than my bowels, but it's just as painful.
See?? TMI again!!!
Still, I suppose my own TMI shouldn't really be dismissed when last night the bartenders were talking about anal waxing to the group next to me. (Seriously, people: your bodies are fine the way they are. Stop torturing yourselves unless you like that sort of thing.)
The lovely and sweet and talented and smart Heidijoy Stenson took this photo last night. Her
instagram page has some video of my playing. 
