Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Olympic Swimmer for sale!

You've probably never thought about me as an athlete. True, gravity and I are pretty close friends (and you thought my choice of cowboy boots over heels was aesthetic!), and I never played sports in high school. But confession: I was a competitive swimmer for years.

Circa 1982.
This morning I returned to my roots for a quick little 1k swim. There are only two lanes at my local pool: the "slow lane" and the "fast lane." The slow lane should be renamed the "floating around aimlessly lane," and the "fast lane" should require an audition. Anyway, I inadvertently made everyone flailing around in the fast lane feel bad about themselves, as they got lapped repeatedly by a woman in her eight month of pregnancy. And I wasn't even trying, folks! Half the time I was just on the kickboard trying to get this little fetus to move into the right position.

In light of my extreme success despite lack of effort, I am now considering offering my services to the Olympic Swim Team (country to be determined, or whatever, I'm for sale!). Surely some country is down a swimmer, right? And don't worry about my condition. It turns out there have been quite a few pregnant Olympic athletes, including a 2012 competitor from Malaysia who is also eight months along. Sure, she's a shooter, but that seems more dangerous than a few laps in a pool. I got this.

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