A jury of your peers.
Current mood: determined
Ok, so for the SECOND time since I moved back to Louisville, I was summoned to perform my civic duty: JURY DUTY!!!
And yet, out there among us, are people who have never been called. I want to trade!
Let me tell you now: I cannot afford two weeks off of work. I’ll be joining the millions of folks who have to call 2-1-1 to avoid foreclosure on their homes. Maybe the roommates will split town for a few days, and I will can Rent My House For Derby to make up the lost income.
Yes, I know you can check the box that says "financial hardship," but all this does is defer to another time that is more convenient. And this time is: never!! Because I am self-employed. And although it is very kind of you folks at court to remind me that it is "illiegal for employers to withhold wages" while I’m on jury duty, this does not help when you are your own employer.
So since I don’t start teaching lessons until 2-3:00 most days, I have formulated a plan.
I will go to jury duty promptly at 10:00am. When I am selected for possible jury pool, I will immediately begin shouting racist/misogynist/perverted comments about the crimes, depending on the situation. I will insist that, as a public figure, my presence in the courtroom would be a huge distraction. I will wear strange costumes, or perhaps just a fake mustache.
Someone out there MUST have a clever idea for me?
On that note, my two-week service begins April 21 and lasts through: DERBY WEEK!! Double whammy!! But at least I know I’ll be in town then. Maybe I’ll go down to the Chow Wagon on lunch breaks and bring everyone funnel cakes.