The Red Accordion Diaries

Today:

10:30am at Mama's Hip, 1559 Bardstown Road.

Family Music Jam

It's a parent/child class, and it's drop-in (no signup or commitment required).

We shake eggs, tambourines, beat on drums, wiggle, and dance. I play some stringed instrument (or occasionally the accordion if I'm feeling saucy and I borrowed a car), and I sing a combination of campfire songs and wee-one songs. It's fun. You can come in your pajamas if you want. Sometimes I yodel. Sometimes I sing John Denver.

6:30pm at Great Flood Brewing Company, 2120 Bardstown Road (next to Twig & Leaf)

Live music. Brigid Kaelin, Dan Canon, and Steve Cooley.

We play all kinds of instruments (seriously, each of us plays at least 10 instruments), so you never know what to expect. But generally, it's lots of things with strings. And we know lots of songs -- sometimes we sing all original, and sometimes we do all requests.

I've made a lot about the fact that this Great Flood gig is kid-friendly. Someone even made a joke asking if we ever do kid-hostile events. I know it was a joke, but seriously, when you think about language and bedtimes and drunks at most live music shows in this town, I'd venture that, yes, most live-music in Louisville is, in fact, kid-hostile.

Sure, there are festivals and summer shows that you can bring your kids to, but where can you take a child to hear relaxed live music in a less overwhelming setting?

Music is so important to development -- not just memorizing the ABC song, but hearing rhythm, seeing instruments, their different shapes, their different sounds. Playing your iPod at home is wonderful (and super important), but there is nothing like live sound.

Anyway, I love this gig because it gets me out of the house, but I also love it because I see so many little ones hearing live music for the first time. Or hearing it for the zillionth time (like my kiddo) and still seeing it as a magical show. Last week a young girl asked for "the song from Frozen" or "Foggy Mountain Breakdown," pretty much the coolest request-combo ever from a child. (We played both.)

Let's do more early and kid-friendly shows in this town, please. I want to take my kid out to hear music, not just take him out to hear me.

I haven't talked about the PPD in a long time. I'm not at all out of the trenches, but I'm at least to the point now where I can force myself to do stuff I know will be good for me. Sort of. I still don't go to yoga class or anything (I know I know I know), but over the last couple of weeks, I've been saying yes to things.

I used to do that all the time. If anyone had a plus-one anywhere, I was there. It always led to something interesting, even if the thing itself was bleagh.

Yesterday, someone invited me to the Music panel as part of the Idea Festival MUSIC, and I said yes. My husband wrangled up a babysitter (he had to work yesterday), and I even managed to navigate the annoyingly-sparing public transportation in this town to make it to the Green Building. The point is that I WENT! I even mustered up the moxie to give someone a business card. I probably shouldn't have because it was a crappy old business card. But I did it nonetheless. I spoke in mostly complete sentences. I'm pretty sure I spoke far too much, and I told everyone that I was batshit crazy these days (may have been my exact words). The fabulous Alex Wright gave me a ride home in his swanky car, thereby eliminating another mental breakdown caused by TARC.

(Look at me all out in public and hanging with my ol' pal Dennie, who owns the Monkey Wrench!)

And then ... I, of course, got home and tried desperately to figure out how I was going to go to the Louisville Music Awards show at Headliners. I didn't want to go, to be honest. But going to the music panel reminded me that my work used to be going out to events. I have a public career, and if you don't go out in public, people forget about you. This blog has gotten me a slew of new fans -- but those folks are fans of my writing, not my songwriting. (Hello, dear reader, did you know that I'm actually a performer? That I have sung on A Prairie Home Companion? And once sang backup for Kid Rock? And played accordion with Elvis Costello several times? And my own songs have, like, been on the radio all over the world and stuff? I swear it's true!)

Anyway, my fabulous neighbor offered to babysit and put the Wee Boy to bed, so I took an Uber to Headliners and pretended I was 29 and kid-free! Well, not really, but I did remember for a few moments what it was like to go out and see friends, particularly musical friends, and enjoy the company of lots of adults.

I was terrified and nervous and really anxious about going, but I reminded myself that I would be glad I went. And I am glad I went. So glad. Thanks to all of you who convinced me to go (you know who you are) and for putting up with my manic ways.

I am very much looking foward to my next uting. What's going on this Friday? I feel the need to be 29 again.

Also: Louisvillians, mark your calendars for THIS WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1. Great Flood Brewing Company at 6:30pm. Great Flood is at the Douglass Loop next to Twig and Leaf. Steve Cooley, and Dan Canon, and I are playing there, and you should really come out, hang out, drink beer, and have a listen.

I stayed up late watching the Scottish Referendum results roll in, which was completely mesmerizing for many reasons.

First of all, they counted all of the ballots by hand -- so many images of large rooms, folding tables, and people of all ages just counting and stacking ballot after ballot. It should have been boring, but much in the same way a dilapidated old castle is amazing and full of history, so were these news feeds.

But what fascinated me most of all was: the lack of electoral college.

For you Scottish and British citizens (see what I did there) reading this, you may already know about the electoral college because the rest of the world generally understands American politics better than the majority of Americans. Quick summary, just in case: it's majority wins in each state. Then a certain number of votes, based on population, go entirely to the winning side. Remember the controversial 2000 election? ... when the controversy was mostly over ballot fraud in Florida, rather than the fact that Al Gore got more votes than George Bush (50,456,002 50,999,897, a difference of 543,895 votes), but Bush had majority in more states. So he won. Yes, America is weird.

If last night's Scottish election had been electoral college, the Nos would still have won, but it would have looked like a landslide victory -- like the Yeses would have only won the electoral votes from four (out of thirty-two) areas: Glasgow, North Lanarkshire, Dundee, West Dunbartonshire. Here is a breakdown of the votes by region.

The referendum numbers for the popular vote were 45%-55%, but still the difference was only 383,937 votes -- less than the population of Edinburgh (if you're American, less than the population of Omaha).

Yeses: 1,617,989
Nos: 2,001,926

I'm not going to spend time researching the populations of each areas and assigning imaginary electoral votes to each region because, well, I don't get paid for this blog. But if anyone out there wants to do that math, I would be interested.

My point was that it seemed a real possibility of the YESes winning because it was majority rules, which made the ballot-counting all that more interesting to watch -- and made me feel all the more hopeful. At one point when there were only about 1000 votes separating the Nos from the Yeses, my blood pressure got all high and I was wide awake. Then Glasgow came in -- as a Yes, but not by enough of a majority -- and I sighed heavily and went to sleep.

Anyway, it was a very exciting moment in history, and I am very glad it is over. For my son's sake, I wanted independence -- I want him to get a Scottish passport. But moving forward, right?

by Molly S. (guest blogger)

As a mother I am practically legally obligated to participate in many online forums and discussions regarding parenting. Typically things sail very smoothly on most of the ones I participate in until someone posts about the dreaded topic of “other people’s parenting”.

Some (mainly fictional) examples include:

I saw this mom at the park today, she was just sitting on the bench checking her iPhone and her two year old was just running everywhere, I felt so bad for him

My niece’s step-sister’s aunt posted this picture on Facebook of her 18 month old in a car seat and he was FORWARD FACING! Ugh, some people just don’t even care about their kids

My friend Bertha is still breastfeeding her three year old, I mean I’m all for breastfeeding, but come on!

How should I tell my coworker that the baby Bjorn she has is probably going to damage her little one’s hips for life? I mean I showed her the custom made Tula I got for my son and she acted like it was too expensive, I guess some people just put their kid’s health second.

What do you guys think about cloth diapering? I’m SO grossed out that my daughter’s teacher said she is doing it. Also, why add all that laundry to your life?

These posts are typically followed by many parents who feel personally judged by these comments. Then fights ensue, people dig in their heels, feelings are hurt and the administrators start deleting posts. (And as an administrator on a rather large Facebook group- I make myself a White Russian. Circumcision debates alone have caused me to kill a bottle of Kahlua.)

So, in order to stop these fights I have made this handy user guide on what to do about other people’s parenting. Let’s pretend you are at the mall playground, and you see Annie do/talk about something that you would never ever ever do to your little Jimmy.

Is it an emergency? And I mean real emergency. Is her kid about to be set on fire? Did she pass out and her son is now trying to eat unidentified purple pills from his diaper bag? Then call 911. Do not stop to update your status or take a picture of little Sam leaning over her pale limp body.

Is her child in serious danger? Did she confess that she is selling him over the internet in order to finance her Beanie Baby addiction? Did she throw him in the trunk when she left to take him home. Then call either the police or Child Protective Services. I don’t want to diminish the seriousness of child abuse or the necessity of people reporting it -- in fact I wish more people would report it when they see something happen to a child. But please remember that many actions (such as not vaccinating, feeding them rice cereal at 4 months or letting a five year old play outside unsupervised) are not usually actionable, for good reason. So please really consider what serious danger is. Also, notice I said report it, not solicit advice from 25,000 strangers on Baby Center.

Are they doing something that is unsafe or not the best practice? These are typically the actions that don’t require a call to an authority, but maybe aren’t the best for their kid. Are they forward facing a 14 month old in a car seat? Are they giving their five year old only soda to drink? First recognize that oftentimes you are only given a snapshot of anyone’s parenting. Maybe the soda was all that was left in the house that morning and their food stamps don’t come in until next week. Maybe the only carseat they have is forward facing. These are the situations where you have an awesome opportunity! You can help! And by help, I don’t mean publicly shaming them on Twitter. I mean you can sweetly send them a private message (or even better mention it to them over drinks that you are springing for), you can loan them a better car seat, you can tell them you didn’t know about how dangerous it is to put a Bumbo on your kitchen counter until your friend sent you an article. Now this is a risk, anytime you call attention to something a mother might not be doing right they can feel judged or attacked (mainly because as mothers we often feel judged or attacked for our personal decisions for our family). If the mother snaps back at you or ignores your well intentioned advice then do the hard thing: walk away. People have a million different battles they are fighting, and what might seem significant to you, may not be something that they have the time or energy to address at the moment. So walk away. Don’t post about them, don’t take pictures of their kids and ask what to do. Just walk away and say to yourself “Not my monkeys, not my circus.”

Is your child impacted? Is your child being bit by their blood thirsty toddler? Did their teenager tell yours he can drink at his house, because his parents allow it? The best option is to remove your child from the situation. You can do this by just leaving, ending a friendship or calling the parent and setting some firm boundaries. Soliciting advice on what to do personally to protect your child is in my opinion totally fine. But when soliciting advice it is important to say something like this: “I do not want my child to consume the amount of candy that he does when he is at my cousin’s house, does anyone have any suggestions on how to bring that up with her?” NOT “My cousin allows her kid to go sugar crazy! They eat so much I know they are going to get ADD. What should I do?”

Are they doing something you feel passionately against? Do you truly believe that kids should never eat red dye? Do you think that disposable diapers are ruining the environment? Then by all means be an advocate for your cause! I personally run into this issue often because I feel very passionate about ensuring that children are vaccinated. So, I post articles with research on vaccine safety, I join groups where vaccines are promoted and I donate money to vaccine outreach. What I try really hard not to do is this: “All of these dumb parents who don’t vaccinate should really just sign over custody of their kids to the state.” Why? Because that is just being a dick and parenting is hard enough without having to deal with dicks.

Are they just doing something differently than you would do it? Would you have removed your daughter from the park while they are having a tantrum, instead of waiting it out? Would you have pumped instead of switching to formula when you went back to work? Would you never homeschool your kids? Well then notice they are doing something differently and wish them well. There are 7 billion people on this planet and they all required 7 billion different types of parenting. To assume that what works for you or your kids would work for theirs is presumptuous at best, judgmental at worst.

After following this handy guide you can see that it is almost never necessary to post online about other people’s parenting. This parenting shit is hard, and most of us don’t know what we are doing. And if by chance you do find yourself violating one of these rules and get called on it (I certainly have), instead of digging your heels in, try listening and learning. When you know better, you do better. Oh, and really try hard to not be a dick.

My kiddo goes to preschool now. It's the greatest thing in the world. I'm telling you this because you probably think you are supposed to sob and cry and fake misery at the thought of your little creature growing up so big and being gone from you for a few hours each day. Guess what? Not all parents feel that way ... remember, don't believe what you read on Facebook.

I'm starting to feel like myself again. I completely adore The Wee Boy, and I LOVE going to pick him up, and I love our snuggles (yes, he still sleeps in our bed), and I love playing trains, and I love going on walks, and I love when he helps me cook (boy can crack an egg one-handed and not get any shell in the bowl!), and him at almost-two is pretty much the cutest thing in the world, and I'll be sad when he has to shave one day and doesn't want to snuggle. I swear I'm appreciating the now, gathering my rosebuds, etc, etc.

But being gone from him a few hours a day is so so so so so so so so nice.

I'm still getting caught up from the past two years of getting absolutely nothing accomplished (read: two years of business receipts, bookkeeping, taxes, accounting, emails, phone calls, and all that fun stuff I needed to do for my businesses, but simply couldn't manage while being on kid-duty), but I see a light where soon ... very very soon ... I might be able to actually concentrate on, not just the business of my business, but the ART of my business.

As in, I might actually be able to book a few days in a recording studio and finish the album that is five years overdue.

I keep reminding myself of a conversation I had almost two months ago with my most-famous-friend, whose name I will not drop here, but anyone who knows me or reads my blog could probably figure out to whom I am referring. Anyway, he told me that his wife, who also happens to be a musician, sometimes also hires a babysitter so that she can play piano, and that I should not feel remotely guilty about doing just that. I think that's pretty good advice. And now I don't feel guilty.

So here's my advice: don't feel guilty. Especially, don't feel guilty for not feeling guilty, people.

How did you record this new album? Was it a long process? Or did you block out a week and get it done?

Are the recording musicians the same as the performing musicians? I’ve always used separate performers/recorders in the past. Always curious how others do it.

What’s different about this album than your previous ones?

What’s your favorite thing to cook/bake?

Music is your career … so what’s your hobby?

I’m obsessed with Track 4s … it’s almost always my favorite track on whatever record I want to hear. So what’s Track 4 on your new release?

What’s the best way for people to hear/buy your new record?

Potty training surely is different for every kiddo (though maybe if I marketed our method, I could make a million bucks), but I'll share our successes/failures:

This one was the thing that seemed to make the biggest difference for him, however:

So, in order to stop these fights I have made this handy user guide on what to do about other people’s parenting. Let’s pretend you are at the mall playground, and you see Annie do/talk about something that you would never ever ever do to your little Jimmy.

The recipe was a simple yellow cake with a 4-ingredient buttercream frosting. It was so so delicious, if I do say so. There wasn't a single piece leftover, so I guess people liked it. Yay!

Voila! And feel free to pin this on the Pinterest, hee hee.

Today I am basking in the fun, exciting thing that is BAKING WITH MY CHILD!

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Brigid Kaelin


Playing in Crown Fountain in Millennium Park. Chicago in September.


The lion took a snooze. Lincoln Park Zoo. Chicago. September 2014


Marvelous Suite at the W Hotel, Lakeshore.