I don't think I need the accountability that the program provides for most participants. I'm pretty good at creating unattainable goals for myself, and I don't need a book to lay those out for me. But what I'm not so good at is forgiving myself when I fail. Or rather, when I don't attain all my goals. Even calling it a "fail" is too harsh. I'm committed to relaxing and giving in -- to grabbing a nap if it's a possibility; to ordering takeout; to not blogging daily; to letting my child watch a TV show and not feeling like a terrible parent for giving him screen time.
Week Two involved getting out of your comfort zone. What did I do as a challenge? I said something aloud at the group meeting. I also invited someone I don't know well at all to go to the swimming pool with me one afternoon. I feel like I talked to much about absurd things, like female pirates of yore and the mechanical difficulties of semi-permanent structures. But I am large, I contain multitudes. And I forgive myself my eccentricities.
|Hugs and tears with an old friend on a school night.|
Last night I went to an open mic and sang and played accordion with the disgustingly talented Shannon Lawson. His voice continually blows my mind, and it was most fun to harmonize with him. I forgot how harmony makes me smile all over and how good it is for my soul.
I went to sleep at 1am and woke for the day at 5:30am (babies), having been wakened multiple times in the night. Somehow I managed a babysitter and a 9am yoga class. I was exhausted, and I forgave myself my inability to hold poses. I was easy on myself. It felt good. I felt energized after.
I suppose forgiveness is creating more opportunities for vitality. Maybe this program is what I needed after all.
Also: March 4, Monkey Wrench. Come hear me play with some friends! 8pm start.