tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post357766314644850959..comments2023-12-27T07:09:58.239-05:00Comments on The Red Accordion Diaries: Most New Moms are Liars: PPD and what I've learned from it.Brigid Kaelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-77541322310729579292013-06-26T01:33:09.915-04:002013-06-26T01:33:09.915-04:00I wish someone had told me that when I had my firs...I wish someone had told me that when I had my firstborn. I had awful PPD and it lasted a year because I was more focused on hiding it from everyone than dealing with it. In fact, I didn't really "heal" for another 4 yours, when I told my story for the first time to a friend who admitted she was struggling. Now I tell people all the time, to normalize it, and help women who feel like I did to see they are not going to loose their children if they admit to professionals they want to toss their baby in a bin and drive away. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-38447839034027055202013-06-17T10:28:05.745-04:002013-06-17T10:28:05.745-04:00Thanks, Krista:) Love to you.Thanks, Krista:) Love to you.Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-37145422495266803832013-06-15T09:35:30.150-04:002013-06-15T09:35:30.150-04:00This is a beautiful comment -- thank you. I really...This is a beautiful comment -- thank you. I really really thank the NHS for their amazing postnatal care. It was my home health visitor who diagnosed the PPD, but I returned to the US two weeks later with no access to mental health care (unless I could afford thousands of dollars). It took me six more months to get to a doctor for medication. I'm thankful to be in a better place now, but I don't know where I would have been without the health visitor. At least I recognized what was happening to me. <br />I will look for the Gibran book. I've got it around the house somewhere. You are so right about mourning the single self. Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-33239937078928993052013-06-15T09:04:46.579-04:002013-06-15T09:04:46.579-04:00Fortunately for me I had no illusions or preconcep...Fortunately for me I had no illusions or preconceptions of how it would be. I cried for three months solid when I found I was pregnant and ended up in a wheelchair for nearly four months with no idea if I would ever walk again due to my pelvis separating in delivery. I was as low as they go!<br /><br />My mother asked me early on in the pregnancy what I had done with the past 26 years that was better than being a mother and I thought "plenty" but bit my tongue. Now, 21 years on I can safely say that me being a parent is the best thing I have EVER done. :) As a creative with many talents (*blush*) I have to admit- my child is my VERY best work. :P<br /><br />But GETTING to this point took time and acceptance of guilt. Yes, you nailed it. Guilt... Ultimately it isn't the baby, the partner, or even the being a mother which is the issue- it is the guilt.<br /><br />I had baby blues to end all baby blues. I had seconds of panic where I felt I wasn't sure that I didn't actually want to drop the baby. Where I thought that I would run away and leave the baby to... well, you can guess. And burst into tears when I couldn't get out of the wheelchair to do so. Or when I couldn't be by myself, even in the bathroom. As one of your readers wrote- losing the pre-mother self is a real tragedy. The loss is real and the grief of losing someone you know so well and who you are actually OK with being is serious!<br /><br />And the acceptance that the mother you become is cool too is long in coming.<br /><br />What helped me immensely was a birthing card a wise woman gave me while I lay in hospital (I had a relatively good birth but the separated pelvis kept me in for a fortnight- meh!) mourning my singleness- it contained the excerpt on children from the poem by Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet. Even today, over 21 years later, I think on it and remember that I am still one but with another one, similar to me, who will move into a space and time where I will not be. And THAT keeps me sane.<br /><br />So I started counselling with the NCT as a post-natal coordinator with the specific role of working with women who had difficulties physically as a result of childbirth and you know what? I don't care for knowing others have the same issues (as I do not wish PPD on ANYONE!) but it DOES help to know it is NORMAL.<br /><br />Fortunately the joys of motherhood ultimately outweigh the lows by a mile. And I remind myself regularly- like life itself, you cannot truly appreciate joy without understanding sadness/grief. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-15834373092270200452013-06-14T20:23:50.257-04:002013-06-14T20:23:50.257-04:00Thank you -- I'm sorry that you still sometime...Thank you -- I'm sorry that you still sometimes have those feelings, but thank you for saying so. I'm feeling better (thanks to medication), but it's really nice to hear someone talk about still feeling that way years down the line. It's obviously not nice to have those feelings, but I appreciate your honesty:)Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-44677990551126829482013-06-14T14:43:25.804-04:002013-06-14T14:43:25.804-04:00I truly appreciate this. There was a time I stoppe...I truly appreciate this. There was a time I stopped talking to even close friends about how I felt because the subject seemed to be so taboo (and it shouldn't). My child is 5 and I sometimes still have these feelings. Of course I love her to the moon and back, but there are days when I feel like I have lost my own identity and even the time to find it. You may feel this way too...and I think that's okay.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-68293385931733799562013-06-14T11:36:32.649-04:002013-06-14T11:36:32.649-04:00Yes -- feeling like a babysitter. It is such a biz...Yes -- feeling like a babysitter. It is such a bizarre, guilt-ridden ride. Thanks for sharing:)Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-74158714171446227912013-06-14T11:35:45.333-04:002013-06-14T11:35:45.333-04:00Thank YOU for sharing! "I think our hormones ...Thank YOU for sharing! "I think our hormones are a crazy unmapped alternate dimension and there is no rhyme or reason." I want that embroidered on a pillow. But I won't do it myself, but I am not perfect crafty mom:)Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-29066086510491691972013-06-14T11:00:28.736-04:002013-06-14T11:00:28.736-04:00Your story could have been mine. My baby girl was ...Your story could have been mine. My baby girl was 9 months old before I realized I loved her.. I took care of her but really I felt like someone who's baby sitting charge had way overstayed their welcome... Thank you for posting this its important for mothers to see.Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09724148982726748715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-12146370593952075982013-06-14T09:28:05.480-04:002013-06-14T09:28:05.480-04:00Brigid,
I am so sorry you went through PPD and...Brigid,<br /> I am so sorry you went through PPD and the Baby Blues, I am actually that annoying mom you talk about.... with my 2nd baby. My first was colicky and cried for probably the first 6 months of her life. Reading your story makes me cringe remembering it. I remember calling my mother and asking her to please come help because I hadn't slept in days and I actually had a thought that dropping her might help (of course I didn't drop her, i called my mom. Who thankfully came to my rescue). I can't believe Im admitting that. Anyway, It was way different with my 2nd. I couldn't get enough of her her smell her touch everything. It is strange because I love them both so very much and my 3 yr old is definitely the funniest, most awesome 3 yr old ever, but it took me months to look forward to being around her. Wheras it was instant with my 2nd. I think our hormones are a crazy unmapped alternate dimension and there is no rhyme or reason. Thank you for sharing. That took a lot of guts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-22080323503521196592013-06-14T09:16:57.173-04:002013-06-14T09:16:57.173-04:00I'm sorry you went through it too:( Thanks for...I'm sorry you went through it too:( Thanks for the sympathy. I haven't actually delved into BlogHer before ... will explore it. I have been brought to tears (that's not really shocking though) by some of the emails I've gotten from women who read this post. I didn't expect the post to be so widely read, but I do hope it's helped more than a few women (and men). Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-91739429113899221632013-06-14T09:14:46.164-04:002013-06-14T09:14:46.164-04:00Totally agree! I hugged the first person who told ...Totally agree! I hugged the first person who told me "sorry, it doesn't get easier," and thanked her for her honesty.Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-20208822655677614172013-06-14T08:28:42.095-04:002013-06-14T08:28:42.095-04:00I can believe and I too am grateful you did. I lov...I can believe and I too am grateful you did. I love my son more than air itself yet I felt the same way and had a complete "nervous breakdown" at the yr and 1/2 mark. You're not alone Brigid and you're right, we should share our experiences more honestly so those that follow our path aren't blindsided. namaste <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12226427512088723318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-55532848110639623792013-06-14T08:14:36.684-04:002013-06-14T08:14:36.684-04:00Hey Brigid,
I think I wrote something along these ...Hey Brigid,<br />I think I wrote something along these same lines when my kids were 3 and 6 months, because I think that was the first opportunity I had to sit at the computer. It IS exhausting, overwhelming, and terrifying, you're completely correct. Thanks for being so honest. Consider putting this post up on BlogHer so more women can read about the truth of what most women go through the first year with their sweet babies. (By the way, your boy is gorgeous. I'm so glad you're coming through this.)Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02585937476705938946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-47386821705057934752013-06-13T23:40:09.443-04:002013-06-13T23:40:09.443-04:00chica I am right there with ya! Moms really do a ...chica I am right there with ya! Moms really do a major disservice not talking about the sh** that goes on behind closed doors. I have two boys and with both of them PPD set in actually around the 6th month mark. The WORST thing you can tell a mother is that it gets "easier"!! We need to hear that its OK not to be enjoying EVERY minute of EVERY day. It doesn't mean you are a bad mom or any other crap we try to convince ourselves of. And most importantly we need EACH OTHER. Everyones PPD is different but I know that mine had everything to do with trying to do everything myself. It literally takes a village to raise a child!!!!!! Took me two kids to figure that out! ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-24565098949349250932013-06-13T20:24:04.821-04:002013-06-13T20:24:04.821-04:00Yes!! I was the same -- totally ready for the birt...Yes!! I was the same -- totally ready for the birth and then just overwhelmed. People always said it was strange that they 'just let you take the baby home,' etc, but no one mentioned the need for space. Best of luck to you for this second child. You sound like you're in a good place. Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-56965515039639596272013-06-13T19:51:21.917-04:002013-06-13T19:51:21.917-04:00Yes -- "baby blues" and PPD are totally ...Yes -- "baby blues" and PPD are totally different things. I could go on and on about our health care system (a different blog), but I have to hand it to the NHS. I'll write about it over the coming weeks, but the post-natal care I received in Scotland was simply amazing. I don't know where I'd be mentally were it not for my home health visitor. I don't think I would have ever recognized my symptoms, and I would have just thought I wasn't cut out for motherhood. I'm so sorry you went through it.Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-38864168777241982352013-06-13T19:50:32.090-04:002013-06-13T19:50:32.090-04:00Thank you for your story. I relate to it a great d...Thank you for your story. I relate to it a great deal. It took about 14 weeks for me to not be totally miserable, and I think the biggest factor in regaining my sanity was returning to work, ending nursing, and putting my kid in daycare. I love my kid so much, but I need space. I look forward to Monday morning's return to work and daycare. Thankfully I don't feel guilty about it too often, I think the feeling is mutual. We have fun together but space is healthy. I love birth stories, but I think post-birth stories are way more important. I felt prepared for birth and completely unprepared for what happened immediately thereafter - I kept thinking "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?!" Now I'm about to have kid #2 and my #1 is 16 months old. I'm apprehensive about the arrival of kid #2 and if I'll go through the same spell as before. I hope it's different. But I know more tools to seek out help now than I did with PPD the first time around.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-4003277203592228092013-06-13T19:49:15.013-04:002013-06-13T19:49:15.013-04:00I really do hope it helps someone. I still can'...I really do hope it helps someone. I still can't really believe I actually hit "publish." Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-37448303217882986392013-06-13T19:48:39.998-04:002013-06-13T19:48:39.998-04:00Yes! And it's a fine line between not wanting ...Yes! And it's a fine line between not wanting to terrify my friends -- not wanting to talk them out of having a child just because I'm overwhelmed. But it's not fair to tell them you're blissfully happy too. So confusing at an already difficult time.Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-17871692835227634502013-06-13T19:47:12.811-04:002013-06-13T19:47:12.811-04:00So miserable! "Evil and insane" are word...So miserable! "Evil and insane" are words I would constantly say to my husband. I'm so sorry you dealt with it.Brigid Kaelinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08159898663097469287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-80785170733607844452013-06-13T18:48:56.206-04:002013-06-13T18:48:56.206-04:00I had my first daughter 41 years ago. I had never ...I had my first daughter 41 years ago. I had never heard about, read about PPD--not a hint, not a whisper. I thought I was evil and insane. I kept it secret, pretended to be happy, like (apparently) every other mother of an infant in the world. <br />What an excruciating memory.Valerie Careyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01548430410772795211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-16479252780866482932013-06-13T17:45:32.905-04:002013-06-13T17:45:32.905-04:00Excuse the unnecessary apostrophe that my autocorr...Excuse the unnecessary apostrophe that my autocorrect insists upon.Randi Skaggsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-40829092732427312792013-06-13T17:19:58.417-04:002013-06-13T17:19:58.417-04:00Thank you. My experience was nearly identical, fro...Thank you. My experience was nearly identical, from the posterior hippie birth to the constant crying to the shattering guilt. I've always told my pregnant friend's to call me if they'd rather hear the real story and if they need someone to whom they can vent.Randi Skaggsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442887359237020894.post-2604494419818478962013-06-13T16:07:16.520-04:002013-06-13T16:07:16.520-04:00I went threw the same feelings with my first with ...I went threw the same feelings with my first with the exception that I still wanted to give him up for adoption it took four years for me to get put on meds they say baby blues are normal but trust yourself when you know it's not just that! Thank you so much for writing this more people should be open to talking about it instead of hiding it. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09718807671581266144noreply@blogger.com